Conflicting Loyalties
by Sailor Draco
Summary: Rei has always been a good soldier. She is also a woman. Her duty and her heart war inside of her, each fighting for a part of her life. Which will win out?
1. Chapter 1

Author Notes:

The equivalents of Miko in Shinto are prophet, medium, priestess, nun, witch, or sorceress. Traditionally, Miko's were required to stay virgins. However, today that rule is often discarded.

See wikipedia for more information.

Rei was meditating in front of the fire, trying to clear her mind of the chaotic thoughts whirling within. After an hour of failure she sighed and reclined backwards, laying beside the fire. "Yuuichirou," she whispered, finally acknowledging her thoughts.

He was a problem. She didn't want to admit it but she had fallen in love with him. A battle between her heart and her duty raged within her- she was fiercely loyal to both. She starred at the ceiling, praying for strength and guidance. She had talked this out with the other senshi and still had no answer. Usagi's words echoed in her head "We all need love, Rei-chan. Don't deny yourself this lifetime-- live it to its fullest. We are more then just senshi, we are also women."

She wanted to follow that reasoning, but her duty pulled at her. How could she get married and have a family when there would always be battles to fight, enemies to defeat? It wasn't fair to subject that life to another person and a child. She ached for those things but she did not see how she could have them. She was loyal to her fellow senshi and would conduct her duty until the end. She sighed in frustration, resisting the urge to scream.

She heard the the door slide open, then close again. She sat up and saw Yuuichirou looking at her, intense emotions in his eyes.

"Rei, we need to talk," he said.

"I know," she said softly.

"I love you Rei, from the first moment I saw you. You know that," he said, holding up a hand to stop her protests. ''You've told me you love me. Then why can't we get married? Why can't we share a life together?"

"I've told you, I can't," she said as she tried to keep her voice steady.

"I know traditionally miko's stay virgins their whole lives, but most shrines don't keep that rule anymore. Thanks to your grandfather's training I'm becoming a priest-- we can run your family shrine together."

"It's not that. Believe me, that sounds like a happy dream. Sadly my life is something else. It would be a mistake to marry me. It wouldn't be fair to you."

"Isn't that for me to decide?" he demanded.

"I can't--" she started.

"Can't what? Tell me your a senshi?" he tried not to shout.

"How did you know?" she asked, shocked.

"It wasn't that hard, Rei. Contrary to how it may look, I'm not an idiot. You saved me twice. I know I was unconscious during the fighting, but it wasn't hard to piece together. You were there before and after, there are usually five senshi in town, and you plus your friends equals five. I know your Sailor Mars. I don't mind that, it doesn't bother me."

He tried to hold her but she pulled back, tears running down her face.

"It bothers me!" she chocked out. "How can I bring you further into my life and endanger you? There are always battles to fight, enemies after my life! I won't cost you yours. And what about a child? How could I bring a child into that? How could I protect her and do my duty?"

"Rei," he said in awe.

He pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her. She let him as she cried silently.

"My life is yours," he said. "I'd rather have a life with you and die for it then to never hold you in my arms, or kiss you, or to never wake up with you besides me. I'm yours, Rei."

"What about the day when I'll have to leave you and go into a battle with the odds against us. My duty will _always_ come first. Could you stand by and let me go to my death in battle? Could you stand that?" she nearly yelled.

She tried to pull away, but he only held her tighter.

"I love you Rei," he said. "I understand your a senshi and that is your life. I would still rather be apart of that life then to never see for the rest of mine. Whatever you need, I'll be. Isn't your life hard enough? Why add love to your sacrifices? I'm yours Rei."

She gave in, wrapping her arms around him. She didn't know how this would work with her senshi duties, but she know now that she had to try.

"I'll marry you," she said. "I love you."

He kissed her deeply, a kiss that she returned as her body answered him, yearning for his touch as much as he yearned for hers. She cried tears of joy.


	2. Chapter 2

The ticking of the timer echoed annoyingly around them as Rei paced back and forth in the bathroom. The wait seemed an eternity.

"Calm down Rei," said Usagi. "We'll know in a few moments."

She slammed her fist on the counter in frustration then sat on the bathtub edge, putting her head in her hands. The chiming of the time made her jump. She looked at Usagi, wide eyed.

"What does it say?" asked Rei, voice hoarse.

Usagi looked at the test for a moment, then turned to watch Rei. "Pregnant," she said slowly.

Rei buried her head in hands again as a torrent of emotions ragged inside of her. Part of her was ecstatic at the thought of having a child with Yuuichirou. Another part of her wanted to burst into tears with grief. She was loyal to her senshi duty above all else. How could she carry a child to full term when there was always a fight looming around the corner, when was always getting roughed up in battle. How could she have both?

She didn't realize she was sobbing until Usagi placed her warm arms around her.

"It's okay Rei-chan," comforted Usagi. "We can deal with this."

"I... don't.... know how," Rei sobbed.

"We just defeated an enemy about a month ago," reminded Usagi. "There isn't any threats right now."

"There's... always... other... fight... around the corner," Rei continued to cry.

"Yeah, but sometimes these wars are a year apart," encouraged Usagi. "You'll probably haven given birth before the next enemy attacks."

"And if I haven't?" Rei asked as the tears started to lessen while her head ached.

"Then you'll just be off duty," said Usagi. "You can still read the fires, but you won't be on the battle field."

"I can't do that!" exclaimed Rei. "I wouldn't forgive myself... if something happened to you guys because I wasn't around to help!"

"As your Princess I order you to stay off the battlefields," Usagi smiled. "Rei-chan, there's nothing wrong with taking some time to yourself. We have to cling to our lives outside of being a senshi as best we can. Those times are what give us strength when the chips are down."

"I don't know if I can do this," confessed Rei.

"You can," insisted Usagi "We'll all help you Rei-chan. Besides, Yuuichirou well make a great father!"

"Thank you Usagi-chan," Rei said as she hugged her back.

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Later

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Rei found Yuuichirou in the middle of his chores. She smiled to herself, thinking of how he really stepped up to the role of priest since her grandfather died shortly after their wedding. She knew she couldn't have kept the shrine running without Yuuichirou. Yuuichirou and the senshi were all the family she had left. She put a hand on her belly and smiled. Now there was a new addition to her family.

A smile light up his face when he saw her. She smiled big in return.

"What's going on Rei?" he asked. "I thought you had a senshi meeting?"

"It ended early," she said nervously.

"Is there something wrong?" he asked, reading the uneasiness in her voice.

"I'm pregnant," she blurted out, blushing deeply.

He stared at her silently, mouth and eyes wide in shook. Then he picked her up and spun her in the air with a huge smile on his face.

"That's fantastic!" he exclaimed.

She couldn't help but laugh as he put her down and hugged her closely.

"You've talked with the other senshi about this?" he asked.

"Yes, they ordered me off any future battlefield until after the birth," she said uneasily.

"It's for the best," he said as he understood her frustration.

"I just pray no one attacks us," confessed Rei. "I don't know what I would do if any of them died and I wasn't there."

"It will work out," said Yuuichirou, ever the optimist. "You'll see."

"I hope so," Rei replied.

Yuuichirou kissed her passionately. Rei gasped in surprise then returned the kiss, smiling afterwards.

"I hope its a girl," he said smiling a smile that reached his eyes. "With your raven locks."

She starred at him in surprise. She really hadn't thought about anything but carrying to full term. She started to panic as she thought of everything involved with having a baby.

"We have to pick out names! And get a nursery ready! Am I going to breast-fed or will senshi battles interfere with that? What if the kid doesn't like me???"

"Calm down Rei!" Yuuichirou laughed. "We have 9 months to figure everything out."

She looked at him skeptically. That didn't seem like enough time to her.

"Don't worry Rei, everything well work out," he smiled.


End file.
